Every high end skincare or makeup product I’ve got myself has come as a reward for a price of either working or studying hard or been able to love and work on myself every day. If I tick one thing off my “major to do lists’, I allow myself to reward myself with either a good food or expensive makeup/skincare products. I am not saying it’s bad to reward yourself for working so hard. This totally worked for me at one point when I needed to set some long term goals and rewarding myself with something that I’ve really been eyeing for a while or something that I know will make me really happy has pushed me to reach towards my goal and I am proud of myself for doing that.
However, today I just had a thought. There is this one thing in my life that I’ve really wanted to have or do (not saying cause its a secret). It’s been a few years ever since I’ve really wanted this thing and during the end of first year last semester of my nursing degree; I promised myself I will get this thing if I pass the units with the marks I wanted. I passed with distinctions and credits; just like I wanted and still I didn’t deem myself “worthy” enough for that thing that I wanted and I pushed it back to second year last semester of my nursing degree. This is just one of the examples of my multiple rewards that I’ve set for myself for successfully completing something in my life. In some ways, yes it did help but in the other hand, I realised how I was so mean to myself. Not only I overworked myself physically, but I strained myself emotionally to be fit as “deserving” enough to pay the price for this reward.
My point is most of the times we; ourselves are so mean to us without even realising. We are mean every time we go to social media and compare ourself with someone else who we deem to find “perfect”, “successful” and “deserving”. We don’t realise that we’ve come so far in our life either financially, physically or emotionally that we deserve to be called worthy and deserving as well. Every moment when we question ourself if we’ve made it to our goals yet, we are being worthy because we are still working to reach our goals. The joy of being worthy and successful just lasts for a moment, whereas the pain you suffered while getting where you are today will stick with you forever. That pain will teach you to love yourself, to trust your instincts, to be hopeful and to learn to accept yourself completely as a beautiful mess you are.
So today; at this moment while you’re reading this, be gentle to yourself, do that thing that you’ve really wanted to try, book that dance class, get that tattoo, go on a date with that person that you really like or just buy that expensive product that you can afford but you’ve been waiting for that perfect moment to make yourself “worthy” enough to deserve it.