What does peace mean, other than silence or quiet? As someone who likes to overthink a lot, I can barely afford to have a peaceful mind. Especially when things around me are always so chaotic. All my life I have loved being alone, being by myself. It’s just the feeling of rejuvenation and intimate connection within myself that draws me, again and again, to be locked in my own shell. Through this, I have learned so much about myself because I barely allowed myself to know about other people. You can call me selfish but that made me happy. I wrote poems about oppressions and injustice towards women, I dreamed and fantasized my life in my own spectrum and eventually, I found a deep connection with myself. Without even realizing, it was my only way to heal from all the negative thoughts and feelings.
But life doesn’t always let you take its control, does it? Suddenly, I was surrounded by chaos, there were people that weren’t meant to be around me, people that didn’t know how to value privacy and people that stopped me from connecting with myself. My shell was empty with no means to reconnect and I found myself digging deeper and deeper in search for it. I wrote thousands of letters to myself and got lost within my own words as it didn’t have that healing power anymore. To put it in simple words, I WAS LOST. My own space and my surroundings got shared and I was never ‘alone’ again. My time got distributed and so did my patience. From 2013, till now, I struggled to provide myself a privilege of ‘having my own space’ and a privilege of ‘privacy’.
But, my starvation for my shell led me to create that private space within the chaos that I was surrounded by. I learned to concentrate and connect with myself again through the means of one small corner of my room that had my own label in it. That space still means a lot to me. Through that space, I weaved my own dreams of having a peaceful mind. I connected with my long lost shell through some touching music or through some captivating dramas. I got inspired and I started inspiring. I still struggle to connect with my shell sometimes and that’s when my fingertips start falling for these keyboards and I write away my thoughts as a time capsule to myself. People might see this and wonder in awe about the exaggeration, but I find comfort within my own words. I revisit them and I realize how far I’ve come and it provides me with a sense of achievement. I learned that peaceful mind doesn’t magically appear through peaceful surroundings. It lingers in the amid of chaos and distractions. The only way to find it is to travel against all these oppressions and find your invisible self and connect.
Hope you find your own peaceful mind.