I’ve been through pretty rough phases in my life. Also, who hasn’t right? As much as you try to be empathetic, your problems and your issues always seem worse than someone else’s cause you are the one going through them. You can sit down and listen to someone talk about their issues and for a good second you try to empathise to them and see the world from their shoes. But what happens when you part from that person? You get back to your own life and your own world where your own issues demand your attention.
I remember telling myself and specific someone, ‘Things are meant to be hard for them to become meaningful. If things were that easy to achieve; we probably wouldn’t place much importance to them’. Kind of seeking comfort in my own words. Words have their own way of comforting when I’m down. Some words help me cry my heart and soul out, whereas others give me sense of hope in this lonely world.
These few months have been quiet rough. I have had lots and lots of changes in my life. If I sit down and ponder, I realise that I have been running into different places, people and objects for comfort only to realise that the comfort that I was seeking so desperately was within me all along. These few months I have become ten times weaker but two times wiser than I was before. I know I despise myself right now but at times like this I need to remind myself to credit myself sometimes.
I popped my own bubble to embark on a journey which didn’t promise any success or bright side. I guess everything does happen for a reason. I needed this moment to find my own light, my own strength and be my own medicine. My heart hurts to the scars I have caused to myself and to those around me but scars heal and when they do heal, I hope this wound will never resurface again. I hope I can go on and on for years to come to be my own guiding light. I hope I never take myself for granted. I hope I realise my purpose and I hope I can keep this promise to myself. I am in the journey to find my own meaning, this journey will hold me down at times and tear me apart at others but I hope I find my way back to myself; my one and only comfort.
Thank you if you made this far reading my random thoughts. As I have said it before that I love writing to myself when things get little out of hand. This post has definitely helped me calm down a lot. I love how I am able to become so raw in this blog and this has become a platform for me to express my deeply rooted thoughts and emotions.
‘I want you to be your light, you could be your own light’
-Promise by Park Jimin