I’ve cried in the train way too often. On my way to work, on my way back from work, when departing from loved ones, when I broke some heart, when I got heartbroken and sometimes I just end up tearing up for no reason.
This post is a letter to the girl who cries in the train.
I wonder what goes through your mind when you just instantly fall into this space that makes you feel invincible. You know there are heads turning or people watching to the sound of you sniffling to your tissue. But you fall into this space ever so deeply that these unfamiliar stares doesn’t bother you. You become so deeply connected with your emotions, your inner self that you just let yourself escape into this imaginary world by closing your eyes and letting the tears flow through your face. The tears first hits the side of your nose, passes through the surface of your lips and drops down through your chin. You lose yourself ever so deeply that the saltiness of the tears passing through the surface of your lips doesn’t even make you budge. A passenger sitting next to you gets up and changes the seat because your vulnerability challenges their humanity. You’ve become so tired of disguising your pain with a smile that vulnerability overpowers you. You have no control over it anymore. You try so hard to bury it and not let it overpower your emotions; especially under circumstances like that but it has now defeated you. You have lost your ability to camouflage your pain with a beautiful smile. Now you have started to perceive that ‘crying helps to relieve emotional pain’. When you shuffle your emotions through your ‘when I wanna cry’ playlist, your heart aches over those melancholic yet relatable lyrics. Then you suddenly budge and look up to these unfamiliar faces in the carriage, you realise that you’ve reached to a point where things like this doesn’t bother you anymore. People’s judgement, perceptions towards you or the way you choose to live your life.
From the girl who often cries in the train among strangers, accept your vulnerability and imperfections like the way you accept your other flaws. We’ve reached to an era where we’re taught the importance of self acceptance when it comes to your physicality. It’s time to accept your vulnerabilities and your inner egos. It’s time to over shine your shadow along with the main persona you often portray to other people. It’s now time to overturn the stigma and work on refining your mental health.
Don’t bottle up intense emotions. Let them flow in the form of tears; starting from your tear duct, hitting the side of your nose and let it reach to the surface of your lips. Taste of the saltiness of the tears you’ve just shed. While you’re at it, think about the things that led to this point, be aware and mindful of the things happening around your life at the moment, ask yourself if you deserve to be buried under this particular mess or if you’re capable enough to rise from it.
From the girl who cries in the train ever so often, let those oxytocin and endorphins that release along with your tears make you vulnerable yet heal you when you finally decide to wipe away the saltiness from your face and move on.
– Monica xx