How ironic it is that it’s been more than two months since my last post and this time, I am going to talk about unproductiveness and demotivation. HAHA! It feels like a sign from universe honestly. Today, I am going to give you guys an insight about the demotivation from my own prespective and also how I managed to tackle it.
Now, lets start off with a minor disclaimer. What I am going to talk about today might seem like a huge deal for some of you, whereas, it might also seem like not a big deal for most of you. However, we all are different human beings, therefore there will be differences on how far we escalate certain feelings. We might choose to see it as something very small or we might just take it to extremes and let ourselves carry the burden of it for the rest of our lives.
If you follow me on my other social media platforms, you would know that a month ago I was enjoying my one month holiday in Nepal. It was the best way to kick start 2019 with quality time spent with my families and some wonderful time spent with myself. I loved how I had a lot of spare time to be mindful and think about my life, my upcoming career, my relationships around me and so on. Bascially, I had a great time off of work, gym, scheduled and busy lifestyle.
As soon as I was back from my holiday, I felt totally out of place, demotivated, unproductive, you name it. I was having a very hard time adjusting back into this scheduled and busy environment with weather differences going hand in hand and I also got my period, first day back. Then I snapped. I felt like out of place, I felt like I was back to square one where I started. I stopped feeling motivated to go to gym, kickstart my day, eat healthy and be mindful about my situations. I started waking up at 10/11 am with ALARM ON. I started going to work and be the most demotivated staff and I started eating crap. I was kicked back into the slacking off schedule. Wake up, eat crap, go to work, eat crap, come home, binge watch, sleep late and repeat. I hated every bit of it. For someone who transformed their lifestyle from going back to gym, being productive, managing tight uni and work schedule and finding balance to someone who went back to the old lifestyle again, I felt worse about myself, instantly lacked confidence and small things like cooking my own meal became a chore or heavy duty task. I was back to feeling like crap, negative and being irritated 24/7.
Thats when I decided, this is just temporary and its going to change. The most important thing in changing the life that you hate the most is to have an awareness. As soon as I learned that, I accepted myself as a slacker, lazy/unproductive person and took it in as a part of myself. I started to understand that life won’t always go according to my planner or my imagination. Sometimes, I will stumble hard enough to realise that I need to change the life that I hate and no matter how long it will take for me to get it back, I will do it for sure.
My main goal was to go back to the gym cause I knew I will wake up early and kickstart my morning with some energy and loads of endorphines. Second most important thing to understand during this process is to know yourself, your strenghts and your weakness. I understood that I was strong enough to make it happen however, I was mostly weak while transitioning my mind and body with different environments. After manifesting this idea into my mind, my main goal was just to take one step further and hit the gym. It took me a week of procasination and tons of arguments with myself. I put alarm every single morning at 6 am to go to gym and first four days, I skipped through the alarms and shamelessly slacked off. Tons of argument and focus meditations later, I told myself to keep on going. The sixth day of repeating same schedule, I managed to get up at 6:30 am, went to the bathroom, stared myself at bathroom mirror and just lacked every bit of confidence and motivation that I managed to gather from the meditation I took the night before. I watched it crumble right infront of my face and shamlessly went back to bed. I hated myself that day and I couldn’t understand why I was feeling that way. But I still kept on going. Finally, this morning I managed to wake up at 6:30 am, brushed my teeth, washed my face, changed into my gym clothes and tackled my demotivation. I had amazing time at the gym, I pushed myself hard, I am not ready to face the soreness tonight as I am typing but I feel like I can get anything done today. I am so proud of myself for accomplishing this. I know its something really small but I started gym like around eight months ago and this journey has opened up alot of possiblities for me. I learned to love my body, be mindful about the food I put into it, I became active and had a drastic lifestyle change, most importantly I felt confident.
Thank you guys so much for following my this small journey. I definitely learned that I can accomplish anything with one step at a time after learning to accept myself wholeheartedly but never giving up.